Perfect Love- Part 1

Perfect Love- Part 1- By Julia Chastain

I was listening to a CD of secular love songs the other day (if you must know, it was the soundtrack for Shrek), and I was suddenly struck by how much alike the songs all were in their message about romantic love—how it should feel, what it should look like, etc. It should feel amazing, knock you off your feet, at last you’ve met your soul mate, the one who completes you, etc., etc. It should make you want to tear your clothes off and the other person’s as well and get in bed together and have fun. It’s the same message that secular romance novels have about love by and large, especially the soul mate and the sex part. And I have a problem with that.

Now, I enjoy a good romance as much as the next female—I read romance novels, secular and Christian, I enjoy the occasional chick flick (I have pity on my husband most of the time ), and I listen to the occasional love song (witness the other day). And over the years I have noticed this recurring theme—how when you fall in love that person is supposed to complete you, become your be-all and end-all, fill in all the empty spaces that were so lonely before, and you’ll never be alone again. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? After all, it’s what everybody’s looking for! I would be willing4 to bet that a good majority of Americans today believe that that is what love is. But they’d be wrong—that is just a myth.

I’m not saying that true love doesn’t exist or that there isn’t somebody special out there for everyone in the world—true love does exist and there probably is somebody special out there for most people (some people are just not meant to be married)—but to quote Veggietales Duke and the Great Pie War: “True love’s a little different than you’d expect!” The problem with that view of romantic love is that it doesn’t take into account that humans are fallible, imperfect and undependable at times. Even the most well-intentioned lover is going to mess up at some point and fail his or her significant other. Those you love the most will hurt you sooner or later, will get too busy for you, will find other things that interest them more, even if only temporarily, and will in a thousand and more ways prove that they are incapable of being absolutely everything to and for you. They are, after all, only human. To be more than that is physically impossible for us—we are not perfect creatures.

But I think the expectation of that perfect love from an imperfect partner may be at the root of a great many divorces. People go into marriage naively believing that everything will be perfect now, “I’ve got the love of my life, he or she understands me and what I need to be happy, he or she makes me happy, we’re soul mates, etc.”, and then when things go wrong, don’t go as planned, when their spouse doesn’t meet their expectations, they start rationalizing, “Maybe this person isn’t my soul mate, maybe we aren’t  meant to be together, this just isn’t working, I need to get out of this marriage and find someone who really, truly loves me.” I’m not saying this is the root of all divorces—some people really, truly have problem marriages and see divorce as the only way to solve their problems, but I do wonder how many marriages could be saved if the couples involved understood what true love is and understood Who is truly supposed to be the center of their lives.

The thing is, we really do have an empty, lonely place in our hearts that is seeking the perfect thing to fill it, only you’ll never find anything in this world that is the right fit. Ecclesiastes 3:10b says, “He [God] has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” As the song says, “There’s a God-shaped hole in all our hearts”, and only God can fill that emptiness inside. “For in Him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). God put that emptiness in our hearts so we would seek Him, and while another human being may give us a sense of temporary completion, only God can truly fill that hole with eternal joy and completion.

Depression and Christians

How do we keep going when things are bad?

Just because we are saved children of God does not make us immune from bouts of depression.

In Psalms 22 we find David battling against depression.

“My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, and form the words of my roaring? O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not; And in the night season, and am not silent….”

The footnotes of my study bible say this about the psalm, "The anguished prayer of David as a godly sufferer victimized by the vicious and prolonged attacks of enemies who he has not provoked and from whom the Lord has not (yet) delivered him... No other psalm fitted quite so aptly the circumstances of Jesus at His crucifixion."

It goes on to say that verses12-18 describe “the palmist’s deep distress… he describes his inner sense of powerlessness under their fierce attacks. The reference to his thirst (v. 15), the piercing of his hands and feet (v. 16), and casting lots for his robe (v. 18) all point prophetically to the crucifixion of Christ ten centuries later.”

Also of note, Jesus spoke the same words as he hung on the cross. “ELI, ELI, LAMA, SABACHTHANI? that is to say, My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?”- Matt. 27:46 and Mark 15:34.

Salvation, faith, and trust in God does not relieve us of the burdens of doubt and depression, just as it does not relieve us of our trials and tribulations. We are going to have days like David had, it’s inevitable, as we question and wonder where God is while we’re in our mess.

In Luke 10:38, we are introduced to Mary and Martha.

Martha, who was more concerned with physical things, wanting her sister’s help in making the house ready during Jesus’ visit, then she was with the actual visit. Mary, who was more concerned with spiritual things, eagerly sitting at Jesus’ feet as she listen to Him speak.

From this description of each woman’s character, you would think that when times got tough, it would be Mary who would stand fast and not question Jesus’ actions.

John 11:11 tell us differently, as Mary and Martha’s summons for Jesus’s aid for a sick Lazarus went unanswered, resulting in his death.

For moment, put yourself in Mary and Martha’s shoes. Just as David did, and just as we do, they cried out for Jesus’ help during a dark time, knowing He was the only one who could help them. How do we feel when our prayers seem to go unanswered? Let down, forgotten, disheartened. Mary and Martha were both feeling these things, as is evident in verses 20-32.

“Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him: but Mary sat still in the house. Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. But I know that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee.

         

Jesus said unto her, Thy brother shall rise again.

Martha saith unto Him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day.

Jesus said unto her. I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?

She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.”

With these words Martha declares her faith.

“And when she had so said, she went her way, and called Mary her sister secretly, saying, The Master is come, and calleth for thee.

As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly, and came unto him.

Now, Jesus was not yet come into the town, but was in that place where Martha met him.

The Jews then which were with her in the house, and comforted her, when tjhey saw Mary, that she rose up hastily and went out, followed her, saying, She goeth unto the grace to weep there.

Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.”

From what we already know of Mary, we would have figured that she should have been able to better handle the trial she was facing with her brother’s death. But even the most devoted can be sidetracked by depression, pain, hurt, and loss.

“When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came wth her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,

And said, Where have ye laid him? They say unto him, Lord, come and see.

Jesus wept.”

What we all need to keep in mind is that, absolutely nothing happens that Jesus is not involved in. He is with us during our highs and lows and He will see us through.

How we deal with the depression and anxiety is key.

We can’t stay in that mode. We have to remember that we still serve an amazing God. A God who cares, is still in control, and is just as much by our side as he was in the lion’s den, Nebuchadnezzar’s fiery furnace, and with Mary and Martha as they wept over the death of their brother Lazarus. A God who will not be bound by deals and our promises.

We have to put our problems in Jesus’ hand, trust Him, and give Him praise as David did in Psalm 23.

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pasture: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the calley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.”