Perfect Love- Part 1- By Julia Chastain
I was listening to a CD of secular love songs the other day (if you must know, it was the soundtrack for Shrek), and I was suddenly struck by how much alike the songs all were in their message about romantic love—how it should feel, what it should look like, etc. It should feel amazing, knock you off your feet, at last you’ve met your soul mate, the one who completes you, etc., etc. It should make you want to tear your clothes off and the other person’s as well and get in bed together and have fun. It’s the same message that secular romance novels have about love by and large, especially the soul mate and the sex part. And I have a problem with that.
Now, I enjoy a good romance as much as the next female—I read romance novels, secular and Christian, I enjoy the occasional chick flick (I have pity on my husband most of the time ), and I listen to the occasional love song (witness the other day). And over the years I have noticed this recurring theme—how when you fall in love that person is supposed to complete you, become your be-all and end-all, fill in all the empty spaces that were so lonely before, and you’ll never be alone again. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? After all, it’s what everybody’s looking for! I would be willing4 to bet that a good majority of Americans today believe that that is what love is. But they’d be wrong—that is just a myth.
I’m not saying that true love doesn’t exist or that there isn’t somebody special out there for everyone in the world—true love does exist and there probably is somebody special out there for most people (some people are just not meant to be married)—but to quote Veggietales Duke and the Great Pie War: “True love’s a little different than you’d expect!” The problem with that view of romantic love is that it doesn’t take into account that humans are fallible, imperfect and undependable at times. Even the most well-intentioned lover is going to mess up at some point and fail his or her significant other. Those you love the most will hurt you sooner or later, will get too busy for you, will find other things that interest them more, even if only temporarily, and will in a thousand and more ways prove that they are incapable of being absolutely everything to and for you. They are, after all, only human. To be more than that is physically impossible for us—we are not perfect creatures.
But I think the expectation of that perfect love from an imperfect partner may be at the root of a great many divorces. People go into marriage naively believing that everything will be perfect now, “I’ve got the love of my life, he or she understands me and what I need to be happy, he or she makes me happy, we’re soul mates, etc.”, and then when things go wrong, don’t go as planned, when their spouse doesn’t meet their expectations, they start rationalizing, “Maybe this person isn’t my soul mate, maybe we aren’t meant to be together, this just isn’t working, I need to get out of this marriage and find someone who really, truly loves me.” I’m not saying this is the root of all divorces—some people really, truly have problem marriages and see divorce as the only way to solve their problems, but I do wonder how many marriages could be saved if the couples involved understood what true love is and understood Who is truly supposed to be the center of their lives.
The thing is, we really do have an empty, lonely place in our hearts that is seeking the perfect thing to fill it, only you’ll never find anything in this world that is the right fit. Ecclesiastes 3:10b says, “He [God] has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” As the song says, “There’s a God-shaped hole in all our hearts”, and only God can fill that emptiness inside. “For in Him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). God put that emptiness in our hearts so we would seek Him, and while another human being may give us a sense of temporary completion, only God can truly fill that hole with eternal joy and completion.
